Finding your thing
and knowing it's ok to be bad at it
Yesterday I spent time in a cold and smelly ice rink, and I absolutely loved it. Gabe was there for week 4 of his ‘Learn To Skate’ program. It was my first time going, because my mom is still his favorite person, so when she’s home he asks her to take him. Mom-mom is the best, obviously.
My cousin told me about the program, cause his kids all play hockey and have gone through it in various stages. When Gabe and I first walked in, he got to watch his cousins having a blast on the ice with their dad. I think there’s something to be said for watching people who are good at the thing you’re trying to learn.
Once the lesson started and Gabe was on the ice, my cousin and I started to chat about getting our kids into activities, helping them work through it when it’s hard, and how to tell if they’re actually having fun. (Gabe recently told me he wants to play soccer again in the fall, which shocked me because he complained about every practice and game all season.) Gabe flip-flopped for a bit about whether he wanted to do this 6 week program, but I was able to convince him that it would help hone his rollerblading skills, which he was pumped for. And yet, as I stood on the edges of the rink and watched through the glass, he spent a good chunk of his 30-minute lesson making little piles of ice fluff with his skates on the ice and trying to avoid the coach’s instructions. At least this week he was willing to hang out for a bit of the open skate afterwards. I’m taking that as a win.
When I think back on my own childhood, I know I complained about soccer because of stories my mom tells, but I can’t really remember it. At some point it just clicked and even though I didn’t *love* running, I really loved the sport, and being a part of a team (especially a good one). I played basketball because my friends did, and because I was my adult height of 5’ 7” in 7th grade. I wasn’t great at it, but I certainly enjoyed it, especially when I had great coaches. I didn’t get into anything artistic until I was in high school. Also, I think I would have had an amazing time (and probably had better friends) if I had gotten into the theater productions in high school… but it didn’t feel like there was any time with sports as my priority. Fast forward to college, when my school didn’t have a soccer team, so I learned how to properly play volleyball and absolutely loved it. And now I’m an adult figuring out how to roller skate, and get back into hiking and stay inspired by making silly little art things that I don’t show anyone. I even considered getting on the ice with Gabe one of these days. I’m still finding my thing(s) and I’m ok with it.
My kids became ‘activity-aged’ in the midst of the pandemic, so it felt like an easy decision to just wait it out, and see what they developed an interest in. But now, I feel overwhelmed with the options. Gabe is interested in so many different sports. How do I strike the balance between letting him try a few, but also encouraging him to stick with something for long enough to get good at it? Also why are lacrosse sticks so damn expensive?! Lucas needs some kind of activity to get his energy out, but doesn’t seem too interested in anything I’ve suggested. How do I encourage him without forcing him into doing something he doesn’t want to? Lucas is an awesome little creative thinker and I think he’d do great in some kind of art program… but that doesn’t really get him moving enough. (Martial arts has been suggested, and although I love the idea of the boys doing karate because my dad did, I cringe at the thought of them learning how to properly beat each other up.) Oh yea, and we have two instruments sitting in our living room, and I’d love for them to take lessons… the list feels never ending.
I want my kids to find something they really love. I want them to realize that no one is ever good at something immediately. I want to help them see that you can still enjoy an activity even if you’re extremely bad at it. Heck, you might even be able to enjoy it even more!
How did you find your thing? How long did it take you to get good at that thing? What’s something you’ve been wanting to try, but haven’t?
I’ll leave you with this incredible photo of Lucas as a tarantula for his ZooZaPalooza at school last week. Dressing up is most definitely one of his things.
Until next time…
Your boys are so lucky to have you! My parents were of a certain socio-economic class (ie: they didn't go to college and were immigrants) so they didn't believe in activities beyond normal school, including instrumental music lessons. My own children can be frustratingly hard to gauge their interest in activities--they shrug A LOT but I ask them to rate their interest on a scale from 1-10 and go from there. Riding the initial spark of passion is good but sometimes it seems to wane and you have to get to the bottom of it--my youngest seemed not be forcing himself to practice the clarinet by fifth grade (he'd started in third grade, chose the clarinet himself from a bunch of string and woodwinds). I found him a great private teacher who comes to the house for 30 minutes a week, and shazam! Passion rekindled--turns out he was just bored with the pace of school lessons and needed an extra challenge.